I went to a Tesco café yesterday and ordered a burger. They asked me if I wanted anything on it, and I said: ‘Yes — a fiver each way.’
My daughter has always wanted a pony, so I’m buying her a Findus lasagne for her birthday
I’ve got some Tesco burgers in the fridge. But . . . THEY’RE OFFFFFFFFF!
My doctor told me to watch what I eat, so I went out and bought tickets for the Grand National.
If you think horse meat’s bad, wait until you try Tesco’s veggie burgers. They’re made of genuine uniQuorn.
Scientist: ‘Sir, we’ve discovered horse meat in your burgers.’
Tesco boss: ‘Why the long face?’
I won’t eat Tesco burgers. They may be low in fat, but they have a very high Shergar content.
Tesco are giving treble points on your Clubcard for all burgers and petrol, starting today. The deal’s called Only Fuel and Horses.
What do you call a burnt Tesco burger? Black Beauty.
A motorist gets pulled over by a police officer, who asks him to blow into a breathalyser. The machine beeps.
‘I’m sorry Sir,’ says the officer. ‘You’re over the limit. Can you tell me what you have had tonight?’
‘Nothing Officer,’ replies the man. ‘Just a burger from Tesco.’
‘That explains it,’ says the policeman. ‘I knew I could smell Red Rum.’
A Findus lasagne walks into a bar. ‘A pint please.’
‘I can’t hear you,’ says the barman.
‘Sorry’ replies the lasagne. ‘I’m a little bit horse.’
I selected some burgers on the Tesco website. And then clicked ‘Add to cart.’
Those Tesco horse burgers were nice, but I prefer My Lidl Pony
A woman has been taken to hospital after eating Tesco burgers. Her condition is said to be stable.
I used to work on the Tesco meat counter, but it was like flogging a dead horse.
Last night I ate a Tesco burger, an Iceland burger and an Aldi burger to find out which had the best taste.
Tesco won by a short head.
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