A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Man cannot live by bread alone, unless he's locked in a
cage and that's all you feed him.
If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with
soap?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong
lane and going the wrong way.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he
grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
Ask to see my tattoo of a rose, but don't ask outside.
I'm constantly bothered by bees.
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048m pole!
I just got lost in thought, and it was unfamiliar
territory.
Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.
If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and
there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
I'd like to leave this world like I came into it;
screaming, naked and covered in someone else's blood.
An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.
Capital punishment isn't for making examples, it's for
making bad people dead.
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small
stain.
I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
The meek shall inherit the earth - after we're through
with it.
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