He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of
any man I know.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second
entry.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become
President; I'm beginning to believe it.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not
miss the boat.
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set
them on fire.
I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be
an affront to your intelligence.
How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side
of them.
The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second
mouse who gets the cheese.
The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill
people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.
If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the
puppies?
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I
said nothing.
Do something productive. Stop being yourself.
Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come
from big words?
Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.
You can be whatever you want; however, in your case you
should probably aim low.
Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without
ability.
A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat
overestimated his ability.
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people
who have them.
Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are
you going to speak it to?
The problem with common sense is that most people are
morons.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for
a friend.
It's a catastrophic success.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child
of five.
It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
A consensus means that everyone agrees to say
collectively what no one believes individually.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody
turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
To err is human. To forgive for no good reason is plain
stupid.
For your information, I would like to ask a question.
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