What kind of biscuit would you find at the south pole?
A penguin!
Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?
Because England was discovered before the USA!
What is posthumous work?
Something written by someone after they are dead!
What is the most slippery country in the world?
Greece!
What is the strongest bird?
A crane!
What is the smelliest city in America?
Phew York!
What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?
A ladder in her stocking!
Who was the best actor in the bible?
Samson, he brought the house down!
What cake wanted to rule the world?
Atilla the Bun!
Why doesn't the sea spill over the earth?
Because it's tied!
Who was the Black Prince?
The son of Old King Cole!
Did you hear about the mad scientist who invented a gas
that could burn through anything?
No, what about him?
Now he's trying to invent something to hold it in!
Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit?
So he could tell the time at night!
Where do snowmen go to dance?
A snowball!
Where does a general keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!
Why did the burglar take a shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway!
What kind of fish can't swim?
Dead ones!
How do Welsh people eat cheese?
Caerphilly!
Why do polar bears have fur coats?
Because they would look silly in anoraks!
What goes up and down but does not move?
Stairs
Where should a 500 pound alien go?
On a diet
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look a bit flushed.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
I'll meet you at the corner.
What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on!
What do you call a boy named Lee that no one talks to?
Lonely
What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they are two-tired!
Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can fight knights!
What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show
up?
Someday my prints will come!
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